Today, I hit my ultimate low point in my life. While it is nothing too bad or serious, I've just realized that I am not happy with where I am at in life right now. Most things in my life are great though, such as my friends, family, and my boyfriend. But I've realized that even though my relationships with everybody else are fantastic, my relationship with myself is not.
I've struggled with self-esteem issues for ever since I can remember. Being a naturally curvy girl, I used to label myself as "fat." However, in the past year or so, I've come to realize that my curves are beautiful. Nothing is wrong with them at all. This was a great realization for me and really made me change my outlook on myself and my body.
While I was happy with my body in this respect, I would soon start to mistreat it. After my freshman year of college, I realized I was making some poor choices with food. This past summer I really tried to make an effort to watch what I ate and exercise regularly. However, since the start of sophomore year, I've really neglected both of those things.
I started skimping out on going to the gym. I started eating junk food and snacking too often. And it has finally caught up with me. I'm on the pathway to ruining my body; my recent weight gain is an indication of that. This isn't who I am. I'm not the girl who eats so much junk food and doesn't work out. I've just been that girl temporarily.
I sat down earlier tonight and decided that I need to change everything, NOW. Tomorrow I will go to the gym. Tomorrow I will make healthy food choices. And that will all continue. There is no stopping. I feel like I am restricted in this body, like it controls who I am. I have no confidence. Every time I get ready in the morning, I have a constant struggle of what to wear because I no longer feet confident in anything. It is an absolutely horrible feeling to hate your body. I want to love my body, love myself, and treat my body the way it should be treated.
Change is now. It isn't something I will put off anymore. This lifestyle change will be hard at times, but it will be the best thing I could ever do for myself. I will prove that.